Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Great Grandpa Uno Mishap - Argentina: 1993

It was a mysterious event surrounding Grandpa Uno going to the Pampa Plain and upsetting that enormous herd of bovine and then mistaking the Aurora Australius for something quite different. While slightly acid tripping at the time, he punched a thirteen year old boy that had stepped on his shoelace earlier that day, and upon the sighting of the Aurora Austrialus, he confused it for the agoraphobia he had been cured of as a child. Standing distraught in the middle of the Pampa Plain, he manically sought out immediate shelter. The nearest place was Pizzeria Uno on State Road in Orlando. He ran the whole way, stopping only twice, for liquor and the loving embrace of an unknown woman.

Weeks later the unknown woman showed up at his doorstep claiming that after that last piece of pie they had shared together, she had fallen madly in love with him and had been trying to track him down ever since. The pie was lemon meringue thin crust pizza (something he had once proposed to Pizzeria Uno, though field-testing demonstrated it to be "too good for [their] clientele"). Grandpa Uno paid homage to the woman, though not willing to sacrifice his livelihood and future for her, by naming a small town which he founded in Western Pennsylvania "Meringue, PA." There he produced community theatre productions, including three works of Beckett and a musical version of 101 Dalmations.

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