Ferguson's Science Fair: 1994

Ferguson was a good kid. Smart kid, really. While he was often belittled, mocked, the butt of many childhood jokes, Ferguson pushed himself to the limits of elementary academia. In second grade, Ferguson won his CYO Spelling Bee, placing third at regionals. As a fourth grader, he traveled to Paris to compete in a math competition (he placed ninth of forty finalists).

Despite his many great scholastic accomplishments, nothing stands comparable to the project that Grandpa Uno assisted with in 1994. It was a science fair: sixth grade. While Ferguson longed to develop a safer method of harnessing nuclear energy, Grandpa Uno thrusted him into the spotlight by concocting a delicious new pesto sauce for his famous four-cheese deep dish pizza at Uno's.

The judges were not impressed, thinking that Ferguson should have entered into a cooking competition rather than a science fair. He was disqualified.

(Secretly, Ferguson had double-entered the competition, submitting his designs for a new nuclear reactor under a different name, which placed first in the fair.)

Grandpa Uno designed a makeshift plaque for Ferguson, which read: "First Place - Grandpa Uno's Pesto Recipe Contest, 1994." We all pretended to be proud of him. There was a picture of Grandpa Uno on it, molded in bronze. Ferguson's name was spelled incorrectly. The plaque collected dust until it was found two years ago in an attic where he was stashing a number of relics of his time with Grandpa Uno.



R.I.P. Ferguson.

Ferguson's nuclear vessel: