Grandpa and the Sea, 1949

It was the 85th day of his fishing expedition. Somewhere south of the tip of Florida, a determined Grandpa baited his hooks and set the lines into the water. Though the boy - who would grow up to father Ferguson (G0d rest his soul), one of Grandpa's favorites - had been helping him for weeks, Grandpa was determined to set his final sail alone. (Grandpa always liked taking young boys, particularly Gusterford, Ferguson's father, fishing with him; and even brought them to his oceanside shack to talk baseball.)

Come the 84th day, he had not caught a single fish. Today would be different, he proclaimed.

He felt a tugging, hard and fast to the side of his boat. A marlin - must have been several hundred pounds began circling the boat, caught on the line.

Ernest Hemingway, a close friend of Grandpa from his younger days, when the two would spend summers in New York City watching Joe DiMaggio and the Yankees, attempted to tell the tale in a more appreciable manner in his ficitonalized telling of the Grandpa story: Old Man and the Sea. However, there are some small differences.

Hemingway: the giant fish is to bring great amounts of money and feed all sorts of people, so the old man spears it with a harpoon and drags it along for days until he reaches home.

Grandpa: the giant fish, out of love, generosity and respect for Grandpa Uno pulled Grandpa's boat northwest for days, leading him home. The two would share the burden of pushing the boat along - the marlin when Grandpa was asleep, and Grandpa when the marlin grew tired.

Hemingway: the fish was eaten little by little by sharks the entire trek home, and when the old man returned, it was nothing more than a skeleton, driving him to sadness.

Grandpa: the fish made it to shore and upon reaching, sacrificed itself for a summer special at the Miami Pizzeria Uno.

Scrutinized for having fictionalized an otherwise compelling tale of bestial friendship and camaraderie, Hemingway is known to have stated: "No good book has ever been written that has in it symbols arrived at beforehand and stuck in...I tried to make a real old man, a real boy, a real sea, and a real fish and real sharks. If I made them real enough, they would mean many things." Most view this as poppycock, given that the story was so clearly unreal.

RIP Ferguson

Grandpa Uno's Vermont Cheddar Cheese

In 1939, Grandpa Uno - in one of his many business ventures - opened Grandpa Uno's Vermont Cheddar Cheese Company in Marshfield, Vermont. The company grew rapidly, and in 1942, Grandpa Uno's became the sole provider of cheddar cheeses to the United States Armed forces for the remainder of World War II.

During the War of 1812, Uncle Sam's was the sole provider of pork products to the Army, and US was labeled on ever crate shipped to the soldiers. Quickly, the patriotic correllation between US and Uncle Sam's led to Uncle Sam being a symbol of pride and unity. Similarly, in 1942, Grandpa Uno's was to be marked on each crate shipped overseas (over 2,000 pounds shipped weekly) by "G.U." symbolizing "Grandpa Uno's." Unfortunately, a clerical error early in the process led to "G.I." Apparently, on the typewriter upon which the documents were drawn up, the I and U were too close together.

One thing led to another, and G.I. was misinterpreted to meaning "General Issue." Grandpa Uno was non-chalant about it, as the delivery of his high-quality cheese was the priority. However, to this day, G.I. is marked on every shipment sent to the United States Armed Forces; and few know that it was supposed to be Grandpa Uno's.

Grandpa Uno's is slated to receive nearly $3 million in royalties for the upcoming G.I. Joe film.

Wales: 1943

During World War II, Grandpa Uno led a large battalion overhill in a grassy town in Wales. Atop the hill, they fought, and were winning. Then General Grandpa Uno marched them back down and the battle began to turn.

The battle continued for days, up the hill and down the hill. When they were up, they were up. And when they were down, they were down. At one point, they were only halfway up the hill and Grandpa Uno's men were neither up nor down.

In the end, Grandpa Uno brought both sides together over Island Bliss Margeritas and Tuscany Bread, which would later be added to the menu at Pizzeria Uno. They came to terms and decided to credit the battle to a fictional character known only as "The Grand Old Duke of York."

We all know the truth.